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Life after Divorce: Courage is the word of the day

Today dear reader,  we are going to talk about confidence. A lot of times when a woman gets divorced she also mistakenly divorces her confidence. This could happen for a number of reasons. You may have had a husband who told you on a regular basis that you were no good. You may have had a husband who told you that you could not make it without him. At the time you may have told him “I don’t need your stinky butt anyway!” only to silently and secretly wonder in the darkness of your bedroom if he was right.

 

Your lack of confidence may even have come from well-meaning loved ones and friends.   Statements such as “What are you going to do now?” or “What are you going to do for money?” or “I can’t believe you’re single again.”   All of these statements could have slowly chipped away at your confidence without you even realizing it.  Kind of like water wearing down rocks over the years…the constant flow breaking down the structure of the big strong rock little by little.

Close your eyes to imagine this (of course after you finish reading this):  Maybe you were once the young girl who used to jump off of tire swings into the cool lake during summer vaycay. You may think she’s gone.  Maybe you were the high schooler who had the guts to run for student council vice-president against the most popular boy in school.  Perhaps you were the college student who used to rally for women’s rights and against political injustice.  You may think she’s gone too.  That courageous mother who delivered her baby without drugs or the smart career woman who asked for a raise-that woman is not gone!  I may seem that she has disappeared but she’s still inside of you. Let’s get one thing straight, she’s not gone. Not gone by a long shot.

That courage still resides in you. If you are contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or, heck, been divorced for 20 years, and don’t feel you have the courage to move on to the life you want to lead:   that courageous woman is still in you.

Courage never leaves us… it may just dim its lights for a while.   Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do what you want to do.   Be courageous enough to stand up to your ex-husband, to your boss, to those people who wonder why you’re still single, to your mother who tells you you can’t travel abroad alone,  to naysayers who state you can’t make enough money to raise your kids by yourself,  and everyone else who doesn’t encourage the courage inside of you.

But remember the most important person you must stand up to is you.  That little voice inside of you that says you can’t do it. Have the courage to know that you can do whatever you want, whether big or small. Have the courage to know that you can get up off of the couch or out of the bed and start your day. Have the courage to know that everything is going to be just fine if you take it one day at a time. Have the courage to know that you can start your own business that you can take a dance class, to go to the movies alone, that you can thrive.  Have the courage to know that you can live without him.

 

You have the courage.   We all do. I’m not talking about climbing mountains; I’m not talking about dancing in Carnival with a bedazzled thong bikini (that would be really courageous!).   I’m talking about starting with just a little bit of courage to know that you can live a fulfilled future even with divorce in your life.

 

Courage is the word of the day. Use it.

 

To all my lionesses,

 

Kim

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About the Author:

Kim is the co-author of "From Ex to Next! An Empowered Woman's Guide to Dating After Breakup or Divorce." She is also the host of "Divorce Guru" radio show host, as well as the National Divorce columnist for the Examiner.com Kim lives in San Francisco, CA and is the proud mother of two very energetic, very wonderful boys.
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