I just wrote an article for my Examiner column, that deals with a Facebook post that Jada Pinkett Smith, wife of Will Smith wrote recently. Read the letter here then come back so I can talk to you about open marriages.
I had a conversation with a girlfriend about the posts that Pinkett Smith has been writing on her Facebook page recently about relationships between men and women. I, for the record, am a big fan of Jada and Will Smith. I look at their career success, their beautiful family, their financial success, and their relationship of as a married couple and I think they are the awesome. Plus, they both have super radiant glowing skin.
My girlfriend on the other hand told me she didn’t like them because it is rumored they have an open marriage. I looked at her with my mouth wide open in absolute wonder.
“That’s it? That’s the only reason you don’t like them? Because someone told you that they heard that someone read on World Star Hip Hop (for those of you that don’t know, think ultra ghetto Youtube) that they have an open marriage?! What about their radiant glowing skin?!”
Her point was that wasn’t her definition of marriage. She said she was raised that in a marriage there would be no relationships, sexual or otherwise, outside of the two married people. Okay, I get it. That’s most people’s definition of marriage…but if my definition of marriage is different than yours does that mean you can’t respect me or try to emulate my other qualities…like having a happy family, being frickin’ rich, or having glowing radiant skin? (Sorry, but have you seen how GOOD these two look?)
In Pinkett Smith’s letter she writes to “throw all these titles in your marriage away.” I agree with her when she writes that we as a society are told that marriage is not “real” or “good” unless it “looks a specific way.” She goes on to say:
It’s these boxes that create titles. It’s these titles that create simple, black and white explanations for people who want to believe that they know who we are and who were not, according to the criteria of the box. These explanations give people a false sense of control, a false sense of safety, and tend to be more…strangling then anything else.
This woman speaks wise, wise words in my opinion. Do I think having an open marriage will guarantee that you won’t have a divorce or will never divorce again? No, I’m not saying that, I have no idea. Do Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith have an open marriage or is it a rumor? I don’t know, but I also don’t care. It’s not my marriage, nor my relationship to care about.
What I do know is that it’s no one’s business who does what behind closed doors if it’s not hurting anyone. I agree with Pinkett Smith that the titles we place on and in marriage may suffocate or strange which may lead to a relationship’s demise.
Let me know what you think…about open marriage, divorce, and these superstars radiant skin. I wonder what facial moisturizer they use?
Til next time…
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